I was getting so webby that I decided to stay away from the Internet for a while and quit blogging forever….got bored! But here I am, back with zilch vigor but accepting defeat that I could not actually refrain from checking out a few blogs every now and then and slowly peeping into my own page to see if I was missed….basic human traits…being missed feels good. You might think ‘who the hell missed you?’ but I am sorry to say that I have no time for sadists, atleast not today. So peace! In this part of the world, the humidity of the past few weeks have cleared and clothes don’t stick to your back anymore. Mangoes are breaking free from their angst and seem quite excited about the season, jackfruits still look nasty and kinda pissed and the skies are going through their periods, just the beginning when nothing opens up as it should and things don’t flow, they seep out with trouble. Slowly and painfully. Aches and cramps are denoted by vociferous streaks of lightning. It hurts up there, I know. And people love the way the world looks when the skies are gray but then again, mortals were never too sensitive.

 

Attractive, sexy faces   

1. Shahrukh  Khan   
2. Prithviraj
3. Pierce Brosnan
4. Rani Mukherjee
5. My mom
6. Meg Ryan
7. Shobhana
8. Suhasini
9. Trisha
10. Udita goswami
11. Shivani Kapoor

List of today, Highly alterable, Not necessarily in the order mentioned……….what say?

 

Recently there was an attack on my face. Fresh sprouts of acne that brought back bad memories…NNNOOOO!!!!! But yes, they’re back. Milder but back again. Already on the verge of depression, I consult a doc. And she turned out to be a lil nutty, hyperventilation seemed to be her mid-name. “Do you pick them?” Before I could nod, she ooohss and aahs and tells me how naughty I’ve been and constantly wiggles her fat menacing finger towards me. At some points I thought she’d just start picking my nose for me cuz she’d be so close to the nostrils. “Do you mositurise, do u drink gallons of h2o, do u this and do u that!!!” Bah!  I don’t do any of those. Just gimme some pills or topical creams and I’ll be off. But things are never easy, right? The doc takes me to those food charts that I’d conveniently ignored in fifth grade and with her water seemed like food. I mean, if I started drinking that much water I’d end up going without food. And to follow a cleanse-tone-moisturize routine religiously seemed like such a task, plus I don’t even know what moisturizers are actually. I mean, she said, “ Use a goooooood brand” and the way her lips looked when she said that made me feel like I’d have to go to the heavens to shop for that goooood moisturizer………ya people know any good brands for an oily face? Women of blogdom, do help me out here!

 

Bitch me is even bitchier today. Bitchy means itchy. And itchy means AAAARRRGGGHHH!!

 

Dad was about to kick me out yesterday, from his heart not home. As I said, outside home means trouble. So, I know I’ll never be thrown from home. We had something more than a tiff but slightly different from the usual ones. Usually, I put forth many arguments to substantiate my point and end up confusing them and confusing myself. I’m an excellent talker and can argue myself out of death row too. But yesterday I shut up and listened for a change, how I longed to butt in between but restrained from doing so just to test my patience levels. Regrettably, I feel miserable today. What could have ended as a humorous debate if I’d intervened continuously, turned out to be a sentimental scene, and all because I chose to listen? Every time I participate in the dialogue delivery, we all end up laughing, mostly at least. But yesterday…. Who said listening was an art, it’s a major FART!

 

                    Today began at 11’ o clock because yesterday saw an end at around two in the morning. And I still feel sleepy. Breakfast was real heavy, so I feel like a slob too. And the rest of the day is not just unplanned but can also be left to my fancy. I am the sort of person who can go on for years like this and still not feel anything amiss.

                    I can survive with a TV set, loads of food, a comfy bed or couch, a few magazines and some friends for a long time. Most people would feel like they are missing out on life itself but for me mostly this is life. I am the mother of all slobs and this is putting it mild. Now even when I was in college or school, life was pretty much the same. The time I had to myself when I was not sleeping would be spent jumping hostel walls or at eating joints or exploring new places. Classes in college would begin at nine in the morning and I’d jump up from bed 15 mns before that, get myself to look decent enough and run towards class. And I wouldn’t be allowed in class because I wouldn’t have a single book or pen in hand. Mostly I’d wiggle through saying my things were with my buddy and some kind soul would bail me out, but irrespective of the consequences I could never carry books, I’d had enough of that in school. Why…I even missed out on two of my first year exams because I had overslept and mixed up exam dates. In the beginning, lecturers were maha bugged with my presence itself but later they realized it was a deep problem. And they began to co-operate. Slowly they even started liking me. We would have assignments to write every month for 2 years, which were to be submitted at the end of the year, and in the third year assignments were replaced by a project work. I complained of German measles and viral fever the first 2 years and submitted my work a good 3 months later and in the third year I managed to get a medical certificate stating that my project would take time because I had arthritic problems at which my principal blew his fuse. Needless to say my parents have seen more of my college than me and that’s probably why they feel I am safer at home now………sigh!

 

            My college reeked of old ways and traditions, seriously. And we all behaved accordingly but as in every other universal case there were a few exceptions. The boys in college considered themselves as macho and great as the circumstances, people of the opposite sex and the times would allow them to. And the girls portrayed themselves as much meek and weak as was possible without causing much injury to their egos or whatever illusions of feminism they were breeding within the walls of their being. All was well as long as the girls didn’t get too verbose and the guys sensitive.

             The girls would oooh and aaah at every lame tale the boys would present about their bravado and feed fatal egos; all in today’s times. Like this guy would come up with a stubble and a pained expression and immediately the desi damsel in churidar would ask what was wrong and in excruciating detail the guy would lay out his woes and how he had maintained his sanity by logging into a coupla beers and some late night fags and a slow walk along the beach. At this point the ooh-so-concerned girl would tell him how dangerous smoking was and how he should take things easy. Guy is appeased and girl pats her shoulder. She then turns left and with a raise of her brow lifts her mid finger and exclaims slowly to her girl friend (I mean a friend who happens to be a girl) ‘ what a f*****g bore!’ Same girl back in hostel and you can catch her lying on her bed in skimpy clothes and laughing deliriously and blowing annoying smoke rings into the air… why is she laughing? cuz she’s added a ‘lil something more to her  cig and is being taken to another world by the magic powder to help her get rid of all those irks that fellow bores grant her with. It’s just been a few months since I left college and things ofcourse would still be the same there now and for a long time to come.

 

Be happy everybody. I know that right now I’m not the one who should be telling you this but nevertheless. Sometimes writing stuff down that you so want to believe in but can’t get yourself to really helps. Like when I write blue lilies, I can actually see them and that’s nice. Like purple sunshine and tomatoes with faces and anything at all.

 

Today is nice and it has actually been that way always. Sure like with everybody else, life has been low many a times, but yet we keep going. Because there is no other choice. No, that’s wrong, there is always a choice and each day we live is a result of the choices we make. I really want to cry my heart out today and each second of today is driving me close to tears. There doesn’t seem to be much of a choice but there really is. I can be indifferent and wait. Wait for all those smiles to erupt. You can tell me that being indifferent is not a good choice but then again you all know me through this orange page only. And so I tell you that with me, being apathetic is a major choice. Infact, mostly it’s a way of life.

 

Sometimes even lilies cry,

And look beautiful.

When the skies embrace all mortals blue,

And the winds blow away in love.

 

I must be a cloud,

For being so light and gay,

And you must be my sunshine,

Forever at my side.

 

Fools will think you are a man,

But only I know you, to be much more than men,

Because you showed me that tears are fine,

And that everyone is beautiful.

 

Now I don’t clot,

When a hug comes my way,

And my smiles aren’t rare anymore,

As flowers of your love bloom in my soul.

 

And mother, these are just lines,

What I feel can never be words.

 

Sometimes days can get disgusting and I don’t want to elaborate on that. Why is it that my posts aren’t regular, why don’t I feel the compulsion to blog or for that matter do anything?

My niece yelled her first ‘hello’ over the phone yesterday and while I have been trying to come up with a decent enough name for her to address me as, she put my efforts to shame by calling me a name which was nothing but bootiful. Love her. Her mom is trying relentlessly to get her to pronounce my name right and yesterday I put a stop to it cuz I loved her version of my name…

The photos turned out real nice, I look better in them than in real life. But the whole process of finding Prince Charming is proving to be tedious.

I like days as they come and I like being free. I have a wonderful family and I don’t know if I really need another person to fill up a void that does not exist. I have stuff to do, I have lots more to laugh. But the people I love should be happy and only then will my spirit also be free.

If only I could just be……..